A month ago I was meditating and an impression came forward that I should share my struggle with letting go of my attachment to physical things and places (Kelowna). I haven't been able to write about it because I just could not articulate my experience yet. When I went to Bikram Teacher Training, I did not set out to "give up" the material for some higher spirituality. I really just wanted to do the yoga! To go to Teacher Training I had to leave my job. To get the teaching experience I had to leave my home in Kelowna. When I started this journey of self realization over five years ago, it was all just to get through the clutter of my mind. It seems that for me to hear my own inner voice, I had to let go of attachments to things one by one. Let go of this....okay now I hear a bit better....let go of that....okay, I feel a little bit more at peace. I think I'm getting closer. Bit by bit, step by step my life has shifted. I'm starting to feel like a yogi! I never started out thinking it was something I had to or needed to do. So when I found myself here in Ottawa, my finances drained....teaching yoga...not having a place of my own...feeling disconnected....I started to struggle.
My life has evolved in a direction that I would never have expected. I have let go of things bit by bit...not all at once...yet at times, my mind still struggles to keep up with it all. My future is completely open and unknown to me. Letting go of a concept of what my life was or should be and all of the physical things that went along with has been a challenge. Slowly, and with lots of yoga to help with the process...my attachments have diminished. As Iyanla recommends....when I sit with the fear or hurt and just invite it in and just feel it, we find the truth. I realized that mine is based on the belief that somehow my things, my life will keep me safe and protect me from pain/discomfort/death ....any negative experience you can think up. When I question my beliefs behind the fear, I see that they are false. Last night, listening to the program the words "Just release the physicality" pierced right through my heart and into my soul.