Be Here, Now

I haven't posted much lately.   Mostly because I can't think what to write about.  All of my own experiences seem so jumbled at the surface that I keep waiting for things to "sink in" more before I write.  Maybe then I will know what to say.   On the other hand, I keep getting messages to "share myself"and requests to continue writing this blog.  This always surprises me....the idea that people want to read about my experiences.  To me, my life is rather ordinary and often mixed up...or messed up, depending on your outlook on things.  I have taken a zigzag path through most of my life.   


Teaching Update:

I am teaching about 8 classes a week.  I am also working desk hours at the studio Monday to Friday.   When combined, I am working about 36 hrs a week...which is pretty much full time hours.  One very big "perk" of the job is that I get to bring little Baci to work with me!  I am getting in about 4 classes a week for myself.  I prefer to take class 5 or 6 times a week, but sometimes my teaching and work schedule make it too difficult.  Being a new teacher, I still find teaching a challenge.  On days when I teach a double and work desk hours in between, I find it is too much to practice as well.  Perhaps, eventually in the future, as I become more comfortable with teaching, I will be able to do that.  For now, I just go home and rest.


I'm taking a break from studying my dialogue as well.  I read it over every now and then, but I've let go of the more serious studying of the dialogue for a while.  Instead, I am focusing on being really present in the room during class and keeping the energy and command up while teaching.  Sometimes my teaching can get a bit "soft" so I am working on my voice and providing the right energy to pull people through class.  As Bikram says, "A dead battery cannot jump start another dead battery."  


Since completing Teacher Training, almost every day has been a mental challenge for me.  I never imagined this outcome!  I really thought that Teacher Training would be so enlightening, invigorating, transformative and energizing that I would come out just "knowing" what to do next.  I would be ready to forge ahead into my yoga life and my studies.  Instead I feel uncertain...questioning...a bit lost.   For me, I have come up against another zig or zag...I'm not sure which. 
The Lesson:

The lesson that is unfolding is to work on staying present in the moment, every day.  Not getting ahead of myself, thinking and worrying about the future.  Just allowing each day to unfold and to be really in the moment that I'm in instead of worry about tomorrow or next month or next year.  It is a really bad habit/pattern that I have developed of always thinking about what is next....the next thing I should be doing or preparing to do.  Instead, I believe this time is unfolding to help me "just be" here, right now.  

Right now, I am here to teach, learn and live yoga. I have time and space to read, meditate, write in my journal and learn more about all aspects of yoga (there are 8 limbs of yoga).  Such a special time, really. What an amazing opportunity!  Getting up every morning, doing my meditation, walking to the studio, opening up the facility, getting the room ready, welcoming everyone as they come in and then teaching them 90 min of real, authentic, hot yoga is the most rewarding experience.   


Everything in life feels better when we help others.  Bikram himself said this at teacher training.  This is what his guru taught him.  When we make other people happy....when we serve and help others...that is where our true happiness lies...we become happy.   Whenever I feel myself getting caught up in concerns about my future, I try to bring myself back to this over and over.   

Namaste,


Colleen


The beautiful Marlon McGann came to Ottawa and taught a couple of amazing classes for us.  Marlon is a senior teacher who worked side by side with Bikram at Head Quarters for over 25 years.   For the first time since being home from Teach Training, I felt joy practicing again.  Thank you, Marlon.