Week 6 - A Breakthrough

Savasana

So many days I could not imagine making it through to week 6, but here I am...about to start week 7!! Unless you are here, experiencing the craziness of this amazing training, it is hard to understand.  So many ups and downs, not only each week, but within each day.


This week, I had my official breakdown day....or...what I prefer to call my breakthrough day!  Years of fear, insecurity, worry, hurt, etc. combined here with fatigue, tension, a relentless schedule, lots of deep yoga... so many emotions had built up to a point where I just could not hold it together anymore.  With the support from my friend (and visiting Bikram teacher) Deb Small, I had a good letting go cry.  What Oprah calls, the big, ugly cry.  Not just a gentle tear, running down the cheek.  No, this was the big, ugly cry...uncontrollable.  I cried on Deb's shoulder, in front of lots of people!  I cried on and off most of the day.  Even while eating dinner....tears would just spontaneously roll down my face.  Now, for most of us, it is not easy to cry.  We have been conditioned to believe that crying is a sign of weakness and that as adults we simply should not cry - especially not in public.   So, I was resisting it so much.  Once I finally let it out, along with all of the emotions wrapped up with the tears (fear, sadness, old hurts, disappointment, etc.)....I felt so much better.  The next morning I was very tired in yoga class, but as the day went on I slowly felt better and better.  I felt great the rest of the week.  It was as though a burden had been lifted.  Sometimes in the moment, it is hard to understand the nuances of what has just happened.  I'm sure as time goes on, more will be revealed.  Right now, it feels like a lightness has been uncovered.  I was able to make it through the next few days of posture clinics without tension or anxiety.  I had a new freedom from worry and it felt great!  For those of you who know me, it may be an understatement to say that I think a lot.  I am always in my head.  So this experience was a tremendous release.  Really wonderful.  If you're holding back a meltdown, I highly recommend just letting go.


You're Not Sick, You're Scared
We had only two lectures all week.  Our lectures were given by Jon Burras, a body worker, yogi and wholistic healer.    Jon talked about the impact of stress on our lives.  He spoke about the keys to healthy aging and why most of us age prematurely and end up in disease.  Jon believes that we live in a perpetual state of stress caused by "imagined beliefs" and that this is the primary cause of illness.  In his opinion, illness starts in the mind, when we believe imagined, fear based, scenarios like, "if I'm late, I'll die" or "if I lose my money, something tragic will happen" "if I'm not good, people won't love me" or "if I don't do this or that, people will see me as weak"....all these imagined thoughts, keep our bodies in a perpetual "fight or flight" response.   Even those of us who work out regularly and are considered "fit" are still in a perpetual fear state.  What we really need in life is to learn to relax - to turn off our stress response that is running 24/7.  He also spoke about the importance of fascia (connective tissue) in the body and how it integrates our whole physiology.  He believes that fascia is where pain from both physical and emotional injuries are stored in the body.  By working with our fascia through yoga or other body treatments, we can release stored pain and stress.  He explained that this is why yoga is such a powerful healer.  No other exercise moves fascia (releasing old pain and fear) and helps us learn to relax, like yoga.  


Amazingly, his messages came at the same time of my breakthrough.  I have to say that after this week, I really understand what he is saying.  Learn to relax, enjoy the moment you are in, stop resisting, take breaks, release old wounds, practise yoga...oh, yes, and one more...don't believe the thoughts in your head... these are the keys to true wellness, health and peace.


Namaste

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